Is female ejaculation really a thing?
I think what you’re trying to ask is “how can I join the elite few and become a squirter myself?”
Because you can.
Every woman is capable of experiencing female ejaculation (FE). And it’s worth the experience. It takes your orgasm to an extraordinary level of connectivity and pleasure. Most women learn to experience orgasm, but many stop before they can experience the big FE.
The answer seems simple, but brings up the most challenging issue that women face in the universe of sexuality.
The feeling of total openness and physically losing control is scary. It requires totally trusting yourself and your partner to hold you and see you through a mountain range of orgasms.
To be embarrassingly personal – It takes me 3-4 orgasms before I am open enough to let my flow go. So for the many years that I spent with mediocre partners who lasted 3 minutes and rolled off to pass out, FE wasn’t an option for me. I thought I was just not that sort of girl.
Bullshit. I am absolutely a squirter. It just takes some warm-up. It takes practice.
Other women I talk to experience the same ebb and flow of orgasms before experiencing the big release. And then it’s hard to stop!
Orgasm is easy to achieve, but absolute openness; not so much.
The simplest things keep me from reaching that place of open. My mind, soul and body have to be completely unpacked of baggage. I have to leave that shit on the floor outside the bedroom next to my overpriced panties.
If I’ve left an article half-written, if I’m annoyed with my partner, if I’m nervous about how my thick thighs look in a contortionist sex position – these are all mental blocks that keep me from being open.
I’m not just talking about spiritual openness, although that’s crucial. That 60’s free love approach helps your mind open. You also have to let your physical body open up to the experience of an explosive orgasm.
Here’s the science:
Some studies show that all women ejaculate during orgasm. But instead of being released, the fluid is forced back into the bladder when our muscles tighten post-climax. This retrograde orgasm is common for men, but it’s a constant reality for women.
And there are a lot of reasons that we tighten up after climax.
We’ve trained our bodies to recoil, to hold back and to stay in control. Something as small as feeling nervous or self-conscious reverses our physical openness. We let our inner critic speak louder than our pleasure and anxiety replaces openness. We suck all the feelings in.
Subconsciously we’d rather minimize our orgasms than risk full emotional and physical exposure.
We are open to feeling good, but not that good.
Our society has a homogenous depiction of orgasms. A man collapsing and rolling over while a woman breathes heavily and tries unsuccessfully to cuddle. Often, we follow this pattern set by the typical male orgasm. The exhausted collapse. This is not how many female orgasms work.
Our orgasms are long and energizing rather than draining. Instead of recoiling after sex, focus on expanding and opening up your body. Keep going and try for another. And another.
….and one more…
The reason most women are grabby and cuddly is not because they are emotionally needy and desperate, it’s because they are ready to go again!
We scare ourselves
Honestly, I also believe powerful orgasms are scary the first few times we experience something new. It feels so big and whelming that we want to stop. Don’t!
I remember the first time I reaaaaaally orgasmed, I felt bigger than myself. I felt like I took up the whole room. I felt exposed and vulnerable and freaked out. I’d always played small, and all of a sudden I felt like I could take over the world. I immediately talked myself back to small-ness by letting my inner critic tell me how gross I was for peeing on the bed (which is obviously not the case). I told myself I looked flabby and sweaty and should get dressed and escape ASAP.
My partner had to convince me all was good. But I had never felt that before and it was supah scary. I had to let myself feel energetically big and worthy of an orgasm before letting my body open to the flow.
We aren’t taking care of our body
Your sex drive (or lack there of) is often the canary in the coalmine for larger health issues. Some women and men self-diagnose themselves as having “low/no libido” and continue to eat bags of low-fat chocolate chips while watching Netflix.
If you struggle to get turned on, have never orgasmed or are seemingly incapable of FE, consider improving your lifestyle and investing in your health. You would be surprised how much more energized you are in bed when you are taking great care of yourself.
Ironically, a healthy sex life is also the best way to motivate your body to get out and exercise or eat healthier.
It’s cyclical. Better health, more sex drive. More sex, better health.
We’re not fucking enough
Sluts have better orgasms. As a slut, I know this to be true. I am slutty because I love having sex, and I need a lot of it.
Sex begets more sex. And better sex. And explosively wet orgasms. Like any other skill, sex takes practice.
And having a partner has nothing to do with it. My greatest and most explosive ejaculatory orgasms happened during my 30 Days of Orgasms experiment during a stretch of single-ness that changed my sexual life.
So get to it lovers.