“Hey, can I ask you something weird…”

I love when my clients start our coaching sessions like this.

“GO ON…” (awkward lean in)

My client was about a week away from getting married and we’d been working together to get her prepped and super gorgeous for her big day. She’d been having strange dreams and trouble sleeping for the few weeks leading up to the wedding date; not unexpectedly, considering she was planning a cool DIY wedding and doing a lot of the work herself. But about a week before the wedding she had a crazy sex dream about her ex boyfriend. She wasn’t as disturbed by her vivid play-by-play memory of the dream (which was weird in itself) as much as by the *ahem*  wildly explicit acts that she remembered from the dream.

It was good dream sex.

And naturally that is enough to make anyone wake up uncomfortable, embarrassed and nervous (more than you might be already). But don’t worry; dreams are dreams and have very little direct correlation to real life. People often dream about their teeth falling out and it never happens. People commonly dream of falling and rarely even roll out of bed. The path that dreams go through in our subconscious mind to become conscious memories is a long and complicated one. In a few words: relax – it’s not a big deal and it happens all the time.

Actually the implications of this sort of dream are mostly good and definitely worth reading into. Sex dreams rarely have anything to do with sex, although they do have something to do with your relationships, especially your relationship with yourself.

Here’s what it means when you dream about crazy wild monkey sex with your ex, even though you’re in a happy and committed relationship.  And what you should do about it:


Opening up a new chapter of vulnerability

You may feel nervous about exposing yourself and opening up your relationship to a new chapter. You might be feeling a resurgence of those old feelings that you had years ago and reflecting on what you’ve been through to get you to this point. For couples who have been together for a while, this might be the first time in years that you are feeling on the edge of a next step. Embrace your vulnerability and jump in with two feet flailing!

Get in touch with your masculinity

This dream reflects a desire to get back in touch with your masculinity, to find a balance between your masculine/feminine, yin/yang. According to Carl Jung, who wrote the book on dream analysis, when a woman dreams about having sex with a man, it’s an indication that she craves a connection with the her inner spiritual side. As a woman who’s been completely immersed in feminine details; manicures, makeup and dresses, it’s understandable that a balancing is necessary. By connecting with this opposing energy inside of ourselves, we’re also connecting to our creativity and spirituality. Listen to yourself. Go do something physical and empowering. Go skiing or mountain bike to reignite your masculine energy that drives your badass inner entrepreneur.

Your ex wasn’t all bad

We are attracted to people for a reason. Even your ex, who treated you poorly or ended up being a deadbeat, must have had some worthy qualities that initially drew you to him. This dream is also an indication that you are searching for a way to incorporate some of your exes characteristics into your life. NOT that you are projecting them onto your partner, that could become a bad situation. Instead, write down your exes best qualities and reflect on those things in your life. Maybe you want to do something more creative, or want to be more extroverted, or more stabile. Take this dream as a nudge towards exploring those qualities in yourself.