The quickie is one of the most common and exhilarating fantasies that people have (both men and women). But that’s often as far as we get with them, because frankly, they’re a logistical nightmare. With all the sneaking around, location decisions, and clothing snafus it makes most people ask: what’s the point?
The result is usually an awkward fumble in a closet or restaurant bathroom with almost none of the sexual excitement we hoped for.
I have been doing some R&D (did I mention how much I love my job) and discovered some of the missing pieces that take the quickie from a mediocre sexual experience in a strange and uncomfortable place, to the mind-blowing, sexually electrifying experience it should be.
Reframe the whole damn thing
When I shifted my perception about the quickie, it literally changed everything for me.
A 10 minute quickie is not a stand alone sexual experience. It is the LAST 10 minutes of a longer, more subtle sexual pursuit. It’s not about the sex itself, but all the buildup that happens between the first text exchange or glance from across a room, and the moment you lock the door.
The 80/20 Rule
Not the one you entrepreneurs are used to following. Take responsibility for your own sexual experience. You should arrive to the party 80% ready to go. Deep arousal doesn’t happen on it’s own and nobody has time to hang out in an Applebee’s restroom long enough to get from 1 to 100.
Ladies, this rule is for you! Men have a much easier time performing in a spontaneous situation. But we as women shouldn’t let that hold us back from actually enjoying these short explosive episodes. The benefit of being a woman is, although it takes us longer to get there, once we’re there it lasts for a looooong time. Have a great masturbation session in the morning and your body is surprisingly responsive later in the day (muscle memory?). If you’re meeting your guy for dinner and drinks, have some fun in the shower before you leave. It makes the whole date better, and the quickie feels natural.
Drop some not-so-subtle hints
Most terrible quickie experiences are a result of one partner being over-enthusiastic and the other feeling pressured into an unexpected situation. It’s usually not because of them being too shy or prude, but it can take a few minutes to wrap your head around what’s about to happen. Instead of immediate excitement, even the most adventurous people need to mentally check the list of logistical hurdles before agreeing to something like this.
Drop a not so subtle hint that you are thinking about a quickie hours before it will actually happen. When your partner inevitably asks “But what if we get caught?” Have a great answer ready. Make the planning a collaborative effort. It will still feel spontaneous, but you will both be in on the secret. It takes so much of the pressure off!
Do some recon
If you know that quickies are a thing that turn you on – you are awesome. But sexually intelligent people who know their turn-ons, don’t leave them to chance. There is a thin line with spontaneous sex between anxiety and passion: and that line is drawn with how well you plan.
When you are alone, fantasize about the places you would want to take a partner for a short romp. Then follow the due diligence to see if it’s realistic. You’ll take so much of the pressure off of a situation when you remind your partner that you’ve already done the recon. It tells them you’ve been thinking about them and that’s f-ing hot.
Great dirty talk is what separates the good quickie from the mind-blowingly phenomenal quickie (sounds like an exageration, but it’s not). Have an email convo or send a few texts with a string of all the things you want to do to your partner. Describe in detail how it will feel and what you’ll be thinking about while you’re doing those things. Go on and on and on… and on. Of course, you could never do ALL of those things in the 10 minutes you’ve got between the entree and dessert. But if you put together an amazing sexual story, all you have to do is ONE of those things, and your partner will fill in the gaps with all of the others. Talk about getting bang for your buck, a really great dirty talk sesh gets you amazing ROI on almost no actual effort.
No one is good at this sort of sex on the first try (or the first 10). Make sure you know going in that you’ll have to abandon the first few attempts. Be fun and lighthearted together. It shouldn’t feel serious or high-pressure. It should feel a bit ridiculous and adventurous. That’s when you know you’re doing it right.
image via Morguefiles