Couple in Bed | Libido Based Decision Making | Red Lipstick Project | Mindblowing Sex Blog

So, you’ve got a big decision to make.

Maybe you’ve been offered a big (but risky) job opportunity, you’re deciding to stay in a relationship or go, or you’re putting an offer in for a new house…

There must be a thousand voices telling you what you should do. External voices like your parents, your partner and your boss, reminding you not to fuck things up.

Internal voices like your inner critic, your inner mean girl, and your enthusiastic inner child, telling you that you don’t have what it takes, that everyone’s watching, that maybe you need more time to prepare.

Sifting through those voices and their diametrically opposed opinions is a nightmare.

Where is your true Self in the chorus of voices?

Unfortunately, our true selves are often quiet (they’re low talkers for all you Seinfeld fans) that get drowned out by the screeching of our fears and the booming voices of possible disappointment.

Your body has this amazing barometer for decision making that often goes completely unused.

Your libido. seriously. 

When you make decisions that resonate with your true Self – your body gets this buzz from your fingertips to your loins. If you’ve ever walked into a crowded room and immediately connected with a person – you know the feeling. It just turns you on. Without saying anything or making out, it flip the switch that lights you up.

Even Jung and Freud defined libido as something more than just sexual.

Libido denotes a desire or impulse which is unchecked by any kind of authority, moral or otherwise. Libido is appetite in its natural state.

Following the source of that appetite is how they recommended humans make healthy decisions.

The libido has, as it were, a natural penchant: it is like water, which must have a gradient if it is to flow. [“Symbols of the Mother and of Rebirth,” ibid., par. 337.]

Your libido is a flood of energy that is just waiting for you to open the gates and give it a place to go. It will light up your life in whichever direction you send it.


Last week I got unexpected news that my boyfriend needed to relocate to China. He knows that I adore travel, but China has never been on my bucket list. I knew it was a possibility, but I didn’t know how I would react until the moment he asked me to go with him. My whole body turned on. My creative energy kicked in. My face lit up. I was in.

Even though my inner critic was screaming that I would never survive without speaking fluent Mandarin, my inner mean girl told me that I’d never find a friend, my inner parents told me that I was leaving everything important behind; I could clearly hear my true voice, my Self, saying “go, it could change everything. if you hate it, you can always come home.”


And the flow of libido can work for you or against you.

When you consistently ignore and resist that calling, that natural urge to explore something unfamiliar and new, your libido slows. You dull your ability to sexually connect to people and to yourself.

We blame age, familiarity and monotony for killing our sex drive, which isn’t always true.

Perhaps it’s your procrastination towards your creativity and art work. Maybe it’s that you never make time to hike or swim or dance anymore. Maybe your

Want better sex? Reverse engineer it!

Pick up a book you’ve been meaning to read, go for a run, draw something, sing in the car! Wake up that libido and start using it everywhere you can. Inside and outside the bedroom.