How do YOU have sex? Yes. This is a question I’ve actually asked people.
How do you do sex?
Some people look confused and generalize their sexual preferences by saying “just like everyone else, I guess.” or “however my girlfriend will let me”.
Most people rattle off a list of their favorite sex positions. Missionary, reverse cowboy, upside down banana boat. Others name sex toys, kinks they like to explore or places they like to have sex.
But that doesn’t actually answer the question.
“How do you have sex when you’re in reverse cowboy or missionary or when you’re in the bathtub?”
Very very few people can answer that question.
So I’m going to give you some ideas.
But first I have to rant. At what point did sex become a series of positions that we move through mindlessly. I have learned from years of experience – You can have bad sex in any position. Of course, there are positions that make it more comfortable and give one person more control over things, but that doesn’t explain why some sex just feels better than other sex.
The way we MOVE during sex is what makes the difference between bad sex and good sex; and good sex and phenomenal sex.
It was this realization that made me start writing my Soul Shaking Sex Workshop Series.
Having great sex moves is literally about doing great sex movements that physiologically and emotionally connect you to your partner.
(Jerry Seinfeld knows what I’m talking about…)
People who follow Red Lipstick Project are often asking me questions like – why can’t I please my partner? why can’t i reach orgasm? what can I do to put the sexual spark back in my relationship?
Here’s the answer to all your questions – think about how you move during sex.
Start with sex and music
Sex is always better when music is playing. Your body naturally lines up with the rhythm and you unconsciously create movement to match the steady rise and fall of the lyrics. You pick up speed but lighten your grip on your partner’s body as the intensity of the bridge builds and breaks into the chorus. Instead of just pounding away at your partner, you end up finding the nuance within a line or two of the song to match the mood. You pull back and vary the depth and then when they beg for it, you pull them into your body with intense depth.
Sex with music feels better because you change your movements. Your breath, your hands, your dick/vagina, your body moves rhythmically with a ton of variation. You’re already totally capable of this. It’s easier than you think.
Understand the physics of sex
Remember 7th grade science? Me neither.
But talking about the basics of physics are imperative to understanding why movements and not positions make sex so much better. When you use velocity to slow down and speed up in response to your partner’s ebb and flow of orgasm – that’s amazing sex. Take a boring position and change the angle only slightly, and you can create a mind-blowing physiological reaction for both partners. Learn to balance friction with lubrication. Play with varying force to see how constraint and freedom create the push and pull of sexual power.
Being tuned in to the physics of how you mve is where unbe-fucking-lievable sex happens.
Try these moves
Fine, I’ll give you my top sex moves. I give more detail and context with these in the Soul Shaking Sex Series.
- Change the speed – slow things down
- Change your angle
- Vary the depth
- Learn to move in spiraling directions instead of just in and out
- Then reverse that direction
- Vary the pressure and friction of your bodies against each other (hands, chest, legs, etc.)
- Stop and then start again
When you play with these movements and you feel something start to really work – stick with it. Don’t change too often. Commit to an arc of movement. A slow speeding up or a gradual change in angle and depth. When your partner responds (ahem) positively, keep going down that path, follow the arc. Constantly changing speed and direction can be jarring.
Mix and match these moves until you create a series of amazing sex movements. You won’t need different positions to have awe inspiring sex. Have sex like you’re writing a goddamn song.