I have a bad habit of asking people about their orgasms. “Oh really? you had a fling last weekend? How did that feel in your body? Can you describe it to me in an email? – most people (men and women) are game! Sometimes I get awkward glares. Frankly, I’m surprised I haven’t been slapped yet. But, hey, it’s always worth the risk. Recently a friend was describing a particularly amazing tryst and went into full detail about the physical impact, the vibration, the rush, that extended from the bottoms of her feet to the ends of her hair follicles. She is a natural full-body orgasmer. Everyone applaud for her… yaaay! Don’t be jealous, because you are completely capable of feeling the same thing. But for some women, especially for those who have spent years focusing during their orgasmic episodes on their partner, the internal vibration fizzles out just beyond the groin. To be clear – a full body orgasm is the experience of feeling your whole body vibrating with energy. The way it feels around your clitoris is NOT the way it feels around your face and deep within the crevices of your armpits. It changes as the vibration travels. It can feel like water rushing, or a pinpoint tingling sensation or cool air flowing. It’s never the same for two different people. And it can change for you every time you experience it. Isn’t it great to be a women? Seriously. It’s not usually a porny thing either, it’s often not a earth shattering feeling, scream sesh. When we have longer orgasms they can be more subtle. You might feel warm, calm and sleepy vibrations. And of course, sometimes it definitely can be earth shattering! Keep that option open at least. Don’t worry, making the full body orgasm work for you just takes a little bit of practice. So get out your to-do lists because this is the best must-do assignment you’re going to get all week.
Give yourself a 10 minute anatomy lesson
Give yourself a regular old orgasm. Do it the way you normally do it. Go ahead… I’ll wait. (just kidding) Now just lay there for a few minutes and really pay attention to how your body feels. Listen carefully to where your body is feeling energetic or relaxed. No need for anything fancy yet. You can’t grow and change until you know where you are and how you feel now. Do it again, just to be sure. In the few moments just after great sex, do a full body scan. How does your head feel? Your mouth? Your neck? etc. etc. until you reach your toes.
Send shivers up your spine
You know that warm shaky feeling (or whatever you feel) right before an orgasm? When you start to feel that, imagine that vibration climbing up your spine from the base of your tailbone and through that super sexy curve in your lower back. Bring your attention to the warmth in your shoulders and up into the back of your neck. If you’re reading this and just gave yourself the shivers, you’re doing it right!
Get lots of solo practice
Don’t wait until you’re in the middle of a great sex sesh to start figuring this out. Sex is a practice and the more solo time you get, the better your orgasms will be, and the more confident and connected you’ll feel. Don’t just go through the motions. Touch yourself in new ways and in new places, listen to where in your body you feel that amazing energy. Start to send that energy from your sexual centers (clitoris, vagina, breasts, booty) to the areas of your body that get sexually ignored (like your tight shoulders and your hands). Rinse and repeat.
Don’t take yourself too seriously. This is where people get into trouble with any kind of “practice”. They hyper-focus on the goal of having better orgasms and they over think things. Sex is seriously amazing and seriously bonding, but in general – it’s not that serious.
You have to start with a mentality of curiosity and adventure. That’s when sex and orgasms get REAAAAALLY fun. Sex is not a task, you can’t fail at it. And if there was such a thing, over thinking orgasms would be the quickest way to fail.
Open yourself up and try something new. Send energy shooting around your body. Swing it around like a hoola hoop. Do a headstand and feel the rush of energy from your toes to your eyeballs.
Go have fun, and next time you have an awesome orgasm – email me about it.