I am a strong, vibrant, caring woman… when I’m listening to Beyonce or old Rolling Stones tunes.
But sometimes I can be a pathetic blubbering mess. (cue Elvis Costello- I Want You) Luckily, I have a great group of friends that are willing to gang up on me in an alley and beat me senseless with realistic and helpful advice when I don’t want to hear it… you bitches!
Once you can see the forest for the trees actually taking that kind of advice makes you feel like a million bucks. (500,000 is probably more accurate, I save some room to grow).
Here are the 5 pieces of advice I was too stubborn to hear in the moment.
1. What are you going to do? Become a cat lady?
You can’t avoid risk without avoiding life
Living is a risk. Happiness is a risk.
You should be scared. Remember the first time you watched Birds. That shits scary and that’s how scared you should be. It means you’re doing it right. You can get caught up worrying about making mistakes and falling on your face. But what is worst, is what you’re giving up when you don’t even try. You should be worrying about the life you’re not living and the happiness you’re passing by, as you simply exist in the tidyness of your Netflix-driven comfort zone (too close to home?)
Stop being a pussy.
Give yourself permission to be one of those people. The people who survived by doing it wrong over and over. The ones who made mistakes, but recovered from them and grew into their truest and awesomest self.
2. Sometimes life is hard. get over it.
There was a time in the 90’s when I thought I’d graduate college and land my dream job as a musician or some shit and be happy forever. Then the economy crashed and I realized I’d have to work for a living. goddamn it.
Life is not easy, but it’s worth it. If you set unrealistic expectations, you will be perpetually disappointed. Achieving anything worthwhile in life takes time and effort. The key word there is WORTHWHILE. You will always be able to find a boyfriend, a job, a crappy apartment. But in order to create the life you truly deserve as the all-singing, all-dancing woman you are, you must get your priorities straight and stick to them. No matter what. Run farther than you did yesterday and fight harder than you ever have before.
Persistence is the single most common characteristic of high achievers. They simply refuse to give up. The longer you hang in there, the greater the chance that something will happen in your favor. So have a good cry and get back out there champ.
3. I’m glad to see you’re sad. It’s a good thing.
“The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.” Chuck Palahniuk
Some sadness is totally necessary. You can’t expect to feel pleasure without ever feeling pain, joy without ever feeling sorrow, confidence without ever feeling fearful, hope without ever feeling uncertain, etc. There is no such thing as a one-sided coin in life, with which you can buy a pain-free, trouble-free life.
Life is a series of highs and lows – like sound waves, your highest high can only reach as far as your lowest low. It’s the balance of nature. So explore sadness and feel your feelings. If it’s lower than you’ve ever felt, you’re making room for a pretty great high. But don’t go too low – there must be some sort of pendulum swing back towards reality. But seriously, just feel your feelings.
4. You are better off alone
It’s funny watching the tides of good and bad times, and which people disappear during bad tides and are suddenly around for happy hour cocktails. But here’s the hard part. Don’t resent those people, be grateful to those who leave you. They are giving you the space to eventually fill with something/someone better.
Bottom line: Be okay with giving the gift of your absence to those who do not appreciate and respect your presence.
5. You can’t control an independent heart
This is one of the best pieces of advice I’ve gotten from a friend and it’s something I’ve always ignored.
And by “friend” I mean Sting.
The only thing you control is the grace you have when reacting to things out of your control. Realize that when you thought you were being rejected from something good, you were in fact being redirected to something better. Let go and just let life happen the way it’s supposed to. Because sometimes the outcomes you can’t change end up blowing your freaking mind.