A huge part of my work with clients is breaking down The Glorification of Busy. So many of the people that I work with have recently gone through breakups or are uncomfortable being single, so they throw themselves into their careers and fill their lives with busy work. They are rarely actually productive, but the time spent pushing papers, rearranging schedules and doing “research” online feels better to them than facing the emotional hurt they are going through.
The same thing happens in our personal lives and relationships. It happens so often when people think that they are ready to start new relationships and begin to put themselves out there, but still haven’t resolved their internal fears and insecurities.
They take situations and overcomplicate them. They take simple encounters or conversations and over-think them. Their mind is busy, so they feel like they are getting closer to being “ready”. But when you process things over and over in your head and explore every part of what could go wrong, the fantasy of the potential pain and frustration becomes overwhelming. You become paralyzed by the self-created situation that only lives in your own mind.
We intellectualize situations to avoid having to deal with our own unresolved emotions. It is easier to build a web of justifications, reactions and projections rather than admitting that you still have fear that you aren’t ready to be in a relationship, or that you are nervous your bad habits that caused relationship rifts in the past will ruin this one. The result is usually a major freakout. And you might end a good relationship before it begins. Don’t get tangled up in your own mind.
The process of analyzing relationships can feel like you are making progress towards something better in the future. You aren’t. Until you reconcile your own emotions, you are spinning your wheels.
So what the hell do you do? The best answer is most often the simplest one.
Stop thinking and act.
Accept that you’ll make mistakes.
Be willing to change.